Why do people talk behind your back ?

Why do people  talk  behind your back  ?

How to deal with people talking about you behind your back?

How you would know ?

How do you respond to people who talk behind your back ?

There are many more questions comes to our mind on “ talking behind “

To the best of my knowledge I do not talk behind others, but see many others talk behind people for the reasons not known to me. I made a search first inwardly and I could not get an answer except that it is some people’s attitude , behavior , habit , nature and so on like generalized remarks.

It happens to us mostly  from  close relatives and friends !

May be the psychological experts give an answer without prejudice . I wish to explore on this topic and share so that the readers may correct themselves  and I too, if the weakness is within me unknowingly!

 Courtesy : An article from 2know myself ( website ) by Mr. M.Farouk Radwan, MSc , gives a reasonable explanation on the title .

“ Why do people talk about others?

Why do people talk about others in their absence?
Why would a person talk about his close friend in a bad way as soon as he leaves?
Why would a person talk about the bad way his friend is treating him in front of everyone but his friend?

After studying psychology for years I came to realize that 10 different people could be doing the same exact behavior for 10 different reasons.

We can never make conclusions about someone's intentions before we get to know more about his personality for it will be the reference we are going to use to interpret his behavior.

In this article i will tell you about the reasons people talk about others and tell you how to understand those people even more.

Reasons people talk about others

Don't make the mistake of judging a person without knowing more about his beliefs, values and past experiences. If you know the person well then most likely you will be able to pick up the correct reason that is motivating him to talk about others from the ones below:

• 1) Jealousy: People talk about others when they feel jealous. A person who feels jealous will try to put the one he is talking about down so that he feels good about himself. If the person has really bad intentions then he will talk about the person he is jealous of in a bad way that makes others hate him
• 2) Inferiority: People talk about others in a bad way in their absence in order to appear better than them. If a person feels inferior to someone then he might talk about him in a bad way in order to appear superior to him in front of others
• 3) Lack of courage: Some people hate to confront others directly and as a result they prefer to talk about them in their absence after they do something bad to them rather then face them directly. If a person talks in a bad way about someone all the time because he did something bad to him then know that he lacks courage.
• 4) He Likes the person he is talking about: One of the signs that shows that a person is interested in someone else is talking about him a lot. In such a case the talk will be positive or at least his mood will be positive while talking about that person even if he was saying negative things.
• 5) Weakness: People talk about others in a bad way in their absence when they believe that they can't get their rights back from them. If a large muscular person punched you in the face then you kept talking about him in his absence then know that you are doing so because you believe that you can't knock him down and that you are trying to release this energy of revenge by talking about him

Talking about others is a sign of weakness

As you can see in most cases people who talk about others are the ones who are in the weak position.

Gossiping or talking about others in a bad way in their absence is most cases a sign that shows that you have a certain personal flaw.

If you found yourself gossiping then you must find out the reason behind it and then work on fixing the personal flaw that resulted in this bad habit.

On the other hand if you knew that someone was talking about you in your absence then just send him this article. “

If still people continues to do so even after knowing the reasons , we have to avoid them permanently !

Follow Gandhian Policy and Principles ...

Gandhi Jayanthi Celebrations / International Day of Non-violence 2013

Gandhi Jayanthi Celebrations  / International Day of Non-violence 2013

We all celebrate Gandhi Jayanthi  in India. But how significantly we do it is important. It is a declared holiday for all institutions , establishments and government offices. Taking this as a chance to increase the TRP , all the TV channels compete each other by telecasting popular movies , music programs , dance and of course few  channel with some debate with stalwart peoples in that line. So nobody goes out of their house and stick to their  sofa or chair , totally relaxed with TV remote in their hands, which often changes hands for a quick viewing of scrolling other channels programs. Someone who likes non-vegetarian foods, it is a chance to sit and have  their favorite NV food at home, as throughout the week they would have had  pure vegetarian food at office. This is the way many celebrate Gandhi jayanthi.

But many non-government organizations , philanthropists , social organizations celebrate Gandhi jayanthi by conducting, prayer meetings , symposium , workshop on Gandhian values  and so on. Leave alone the politicians who garland Gandhi statue by visiting nearest statue with a group of their party men  and flew off in minutes! We respect them as we only elected them.

I found a rare specimen , a personality , who devoted his entire life from his college days  to till date and continues with full  enthusiasm  for the past 40 plus years. He is none other than Dr.S.Kulandaisamy. He is the Secretary of Gandhi Peace Foundation  Madras  and Dr.C.Shenbagavalli , Joint Secretary  jointly spreading Mahatma’s messages , principles and philosophy , in their own way , so that it reaches the younger generation , whom are going to be our future leaders.  It is difficult to bring it in a nut shell , all the services of Dr.Kulandaisamy because it is a forty years true story. Unless we meet him in person and talk with him, then only we can understand fully.

I am so lucky to meet Dr.SK few years back  on a Gandhi  jayanthi day and I could recollect my old time association with him , about 40 years back . We were  student participants under a same banner – Madras Students Gandhi forum . Our mentor was Mr.V.R.Radhakrishnan,  a freedom fighter, a close associate of Mr.Jayaprakash Narayan, Tamra Patra awardee.  I wrote about him in my earlier blogs but wish to write again because of the respect I still give to that great person.

My last year’s blog on Gandhi jayanthi celebrations of Gandhi Peace Foundation can be viewed by clicking the link below : http://chander-memorylane.blogspot.in/2012/10/a-special-day-at-gandhi-peace.html

This year the celebration was in a different way by inviting  people who still practice the Gandhian values in their life and  they shared their experiences to the audience , mostly young college students from Stella Maris , Bharati Womens ,  SIET college  for women and SRM Vivekananda , Christian  colleges for men.

Prayer by Bharathi Women’s College atarted by 10 am followed by Dr.KS’s  welcome address.

The following persons spoke on “Gandhian Values “ in different perspective.

Dr.K.Ramasamy, Central Institute of Classical Tamil, Chennai,  gave the presidential address .



Dr.K.Ramasamy



Dr.P.Krishnamurthi



Dr.A.Thirunavukkarasu



Sri.R.Poornachandran



Dr.M.Sriramachandran





Mr.K.Nageshwara rao



Book release by Dr.S.Muthukumaran

Dr.S.Kulandaisamy -Welcome address




A senior citizen,by profession a doctor sharing her early days in village service



Dr.C.Shenbagavalli



“Gandhian Values for Man –making Education” was addressed by Dr.P.Krishnamurthi, Asst. Proffesor, Vinayag College of Education, Chennai.Mr.M.Sriramachandran talked on Gandhian Values for Religious Harmony.

Dr.A.Thirunavukkarasu , Principal , Cholan College of Education, strongly put his point on “ Gandhian values for Sarvodaya – Economics”.

“Gandhian Values for Decentralized governance “ topic was well spoken by Sri.R.Poornachandran, Principal, V.G.N. Matriculation Hr.Sec.School, Arakonam.

Ms.V.Ragamai , of Dot Net Developer, Rajahmundry  stressed the “Gandhian Values  for Youth Empowerment”

Simple concluding remarks was given by Mr.K.Nageshwara  Rao, Dean ( Academics ) , Narayana E-Tecno Schools Bangalore.

Book release of a tiny book titled “ Sikkal Theervu Kalai “  written by Dr.KS was  gracefully released by Dr.S.Muthukumaran, Former  Vice Chancellor, Bhartidasan university and received by an NSS volunteer of Stella Maris College, Ms.Shanthini. She was an award winner for her best role in NSS activities last year  in her college.

Ms.Padma Venkataraman (daughter of our past President Mr.R.Venkatarama), Director, Leprosy Rehabilitation Project released a book “ Enakkul Amaidhiyai theduven “   being a part of the Bharathi Women’s College students intern activities at Gandhi Peace Foundation.

A senior citizen , who accompanied her daughter , volunteered to  attend this function  and shred her experience  during her service as a doctor in villages .

Dr.C.Shenbagavalli shared a few words to close the ceremony by a vote of thanks.

The three hour program went off well on time with Gandhian punctuality  and a  lunch was served to all the  august gathering.

I am eagerly waiting for the next year Gandhi jayanthi, so that I too will plan and participate with Dr.KS to celebrate in a big way, with more participants, more program to create the awareness on Gandhian values among  our family , friends  and public.

In the mean time I would like to inform that GPF is now looking for creating a Corpus Fund for their activity and anyone who is ready to contribute for this noble cause may please contact me for directions to GPF.

Before closing I wish to share one more news on October 2^nd  and it’s importance. Today is the birthday of our late Prime Minister , Sri Lal Bahadur Shastri and memorial day  of Late Chief Minister of Tamilnadu , Sri K.Kamaraj.

The International Day of Non-Violence is observed on 2 October, the birthday of Mahatma Gandhi.
On 15 June 2007 the United Nations General Assembly voted to establish 2 October as the International Day of Non-Violence. The resolution by the General Assembly asks all members of the UN system to commemorate 2 October in "an appropriate manner and disseminate the message of non-violence, including through education and public awareness."

“Non-Violence,” a sculpture by Karl Fredrik Reutersward, sits permanently outside UN Headquarters in New York.

2 October 2013 – Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon today called on people all over the world to have the courage to turn their backs on violence and stand up for peace and justice, marking the International Day of Non-Violence.

“I call on global citizens everywhere to be inspired by the courage of people like Mahatma Gandhi. Turn your back to division and hatred; stand up for what is right and just. Work with your fellow women and men for a world of lasting justice, peace and prosperity for all,” Mr. Ban said in his message for the Day.

Let us not be cruel to animals. Killing animals is also a violence. Let us practice vegetarianism  as God has created  animals to live in nature and not as a food for us. Be truthful to all, live a simple life, let us not be violent  on anyone.  Respect our own and other religions.  At last let us “ Be The Change What We Wish To See in Others “

WHAT IS MISSING IN OUR MODERN SOCIETY ?

What is missing in our modern society ?

His Divine Grace Srila Prabhupada, the Founder-Acharya of ISKCON, would often given example , which illustrates the condition of modern society today. If we take a pack of dogs and put them in a locked room, what  do you expect would happen? Would they be smiling at one another? Would they develop loving relationships amongst themselves? One would hardly expect that! In fact they would be barking, screaming, biting, quarreling and killing one another. A very similar situation can be observed in today’s society. If , ‘Knowledge is power’ what are we doing with all our knowledge if we are not being able to control the world situation today?

One need not blame the management of the government, politicians, bureaucrats, police officials, judiciary etc. or for the problems that the world faces today. We are INTERNALLY DISTURBED, so we create disturbances for others. We have to evaluate the nature of our mind to understand the ART OF MIND CONTROL.

When we forget our prime duty of serving God, we are forced to serve the misgivings in our heart such as lust, anger and so on . Presently, we have forgotten our relationship with God and hence the process of  “yoga”  is described in  the Vedic texts in order to revive our loving relation with the Supreme Lord. There are various yogic processes for attaining the Supreme, but in this day and age of Kali Yuga, which is described as the age of quarrel and hypocrisy, there is only one way i.e. the chanting of the Holy names of the Lord. This is confirmed in the Brhad-Naradiya Purana:

Harer nama harer nama harer namaiva kevalam

Kalau nastyva nastyva gatir anyatha

“In this age of Kali Yuga the only process of self-realization is chanting the names of Lord Hari, chanting the names of  Lord Hari, chanting the names of Lord Hari. There is no other way, no other way, no other way.” 

CHANT HARE KRISHNA AND BE HAPPY.

Courtesy : Art of Mind Control – compiled by Sri Radheshyam Das

 

Start Conversations and make Friendship !

Start Conversations and make Friendship !

How to start a   conversation is a very interesting subject in today’s   fast world.  The   onset   of  e-mail and SMS  technology  changed people  only to text messages or send by e-mails and the one-to-one conversations. Let it be a sharing of   happy   moments  or  an  urgent information, majority of people adopt this computer age gadgets only.

   It is essential  to  learn the art , practice, experience , enjoy friendship , apply techniques to attract people , identify yourself among a crowd , become a leader . For this you have to turn on your conversational channel and tune in to people you meet.

 

Conversation is our main way of expressing our ideas, opinions, goals, and feelings to those who come into contact with .It is also the primary means of building and establishing friendships and relationships.

Many people feel uncomfortable in a room full of strangers and are anxious about approaching others. Most people want to share their experiences with others but  turning on the conversation may be a starting trouble. Once we overcome it our horizons and opportunities can expand, while our relationships may deepen and become more meaningful.

We must have a desire to change , reach out to others, and try some new ideas. Let’s begin and …. Start a conversation!

Body Language

Body language often communicates our feelings and attitudes before we speak, and our level of receptivity to others.

Closed body language sends out the message: “ Stay away! I’d rather be left alone!

 S-O-F-T-E-N

Research  has shown that over 70 percent of communication is non verbal. Each letter in S-O-F-T-E-N represents a specific nonverbal technique for encouraging others to talk with you.

S – Smile; O – Open posture; F – Forward lean; T – Touch; E – Eye contact; N – Nod

These ‘softners’ make your body language more friendly and receptive. So smile!

Starting Conversations naturally

To ‘ break the ice’ take a risk – be the first person to say ‘Hello’ . Ask easy to answer ritual questions. Actively listen for free information. Seek follow up information. Reveal free information of your own. Show  interest and Curiosity. Be enthusiastic ! Be friendly and ‘ upbeat’ and be yourself.

Keeping the Conversation Going

Sustaining conversations is easy if you know the key factors involved. Here are some :

1.      Focus on the situation you are in.

2.      Find out about the “big” events in the other person’s life.

3.      Balance the tw-way information exchange.

4.      Discuss topics that are important to you.

5.      Change topics using free information.

6.      Seek out common interests and experiences.

Getting Your Ideas across

Several factors can keep the speaker from getting his ideas across to others. Such people have a low receptivity level and aren’t likely to accept your ideas.

Begin to encourage cooperation and receptivity by telling others the purpose of your conversation. These types of self- disclosures create a sense of trust in you  and will allow your partner to feel more comfortable in responding. Tell your motivation for asking  the question, and your partner will be more  inclined to answer without being overly cautious. Another factior is developing respect for others. Don’t ignore people’s feelings.

Closing Conversations Naturally

All conversations must come to an end sometime. There is a right time to bring the  conversations to a successful close. Be aware of  the dynamics involved in ending conversations in a positive manner.

It is best to end a conversation after both the parties have expressed to one another, and when the time seems right for you to go  your separate ways. You express your interest in your partner while leaving an open invitation to meet again. Remember to use your partner’s name when you say good-bye, and use open, friendly body language ( eye  contact, smiling, and a warm handshake ).

Improving your conversations

Silence – It’s Not What You Say, It’s What You Don’t Say

Use Encouragement and Positive Feedback- Don’t Criticize

Playful Teasing is a Healthy Way to Convey Feelings and Attitudes

Playful  Teasing  Is a Healthy Way to Convey Feelings and Attitudes

Strategy for Dealing with Put-Downs

Don’t Lose Your Sense of Humour

Put-Downs Cab Be a Test of Your Self-Confidence

Ask Open-Ended Questions to Find Out the Real Reason for Put-Downs

The Other Person May  Have Some Very Valid Things to Point Out to You

The Best Way to Get What You Want Is Ask for It Directly

People Can’t Read Your Mind

“ What Do You Want From Me?’

Overcoming Conversational Hang-ups

Many conversational problems are the result of misconceptions or negative attitudes towards those you wish to communicate with and/or yourself. Some ways fof rationalizing them are :

Hang-up No.1 – “ I am Right – You’re Wrong!”

Don’t assume that everything you know or believe is absolutely true. Don’t force your views upon others. Show a desire to understand your partner’s point of view. Thus, you will encourage him to open up to you more and be more receptive to your ideas. When you present opinions without condemning the other person’s statement, he will be more likely to listen what you are about to say, rather than putting up a defensive barrier to your ideas.

Hang-up No.2 – “ I can Read a Person like a Book !”

People who make this statement often form  hasty conclusions from a person’s individual comments or actions. People who judge others quickly are usually very critical of themselves and as overcritical of others. Can you tell a book  by  its  cover ?  So reserve  judgment about people until you have enough data to form a more accurate conclusion about  what they are really like. Give  the people an opportunity to get to know you in a real and meaningful way.

Hang-up No.3 – “ It Doesn’t Matter to Me”

People who say “ It doesn’t matter to me “ are copping out and not taking responsibility in the decision-making process that accompanies most activities. It’s good to be flexible- but not indifferent.Express your preferences.  Assertiveness pays off. Get what you want by asking for it. Assertiveness is not a justification for selfishness and insensitivity. Offer an alternative and become involved.

Hang-up No.4 – “ Tell Me Something I Don’t Know “

Being a “ know-it-all “ can effectively kill conversations because you convey  the message that the other person’s ideas and feelings don’t matter to you. This cuts off the two-way exchange of information, ideas and feelings, and only serves to elevate you to superior position at other’s expense.

Hang-up No.5 – “I’m Boring “Those who adopt this attitude are afraid of boring others or they don’t want to make the effort required to carry on a conversation. Don’t put yourself down. This negative attitude suggests low self-esteem.  Focus on the positive events in your life and talk and talk about them.

Making Friends

Making friends is a goal  most of us have because we value companionship. Good friendship can begin at any stage in your life.  Friends can be allies, supporters, or sympathizers who give encouragement, feedback, honest opinions, and usually a lot of advice. A friend is someone you can trust with sensitive information and know that he won’t hold it against you: someone who shares common interests and experiences with you and adds to your sense of fulfillment.

Making friends is not always easy.  It takes time, effort, commitment, give-and-take, and a lot of tolerance for the many human frailties we all   have. Take an opportunity to introduce yourself and the sooner   you do   easier it is.

Sometimes   friendships   are like  plants – they can  grow slowly and steadily in time.

To conclude: All you have to do is look somebody in the eye, smile, and start a  conversation !

Courtesy :  How To Start a Conversation and Make Friends  by Don Gabor

Our Real Identity – The Soul

Our Real Identity – The Soul

Human life is distinguished from all other forms of life by virtue of a more developed consciousness that enables us to ask questions  like , “ Who am I ? “  “ Where do I come from ? “ and “ What is the goal of my life ? “ Through the process of Krishna Consciousness we can explore this human potential to the highest   degree.

If we were to conduct a survey by asking the question  “ Who are you ? “ . we would get answers such as “ I am Mr.Smith”, “ I am a man “, “ I am a woman “ , “ I am an American “ , “ I am a Christian “ , I am a carpenter “ ,  “ I am black “ , “ I am a communist “ , and so on. Though people identify themselves in many different ways, none of these responses answers the  question  of  “ Who I am ?   “ Why ?  Because  they  refer only to the body.

We may  took at our body and try to determine with which part we can identify. Are we our hands? Well, there are many people with amputated hands, and still they have retained their identity.  The same holds true for arms, feet, and legs. May be we are the heart? But what about all the people who received another  heart ? They seem to be the same person after the transplant. What about the brain? When the head is badly injured and a good part of the skull and brain has to be removed, still the person retains his identity.

Now we are coming to the dead end with our research. What is our real identity, that which distinguishes you and me so clearly from one another, even though we may  look  the same, have the same name, weight, height, and complexion?

Materialistic science has not come up with an answer to this question. But the world’s oldest books of knowledge, the Vedas, define our   identity   in this way: aham brahmasmi – I am spirit. I am an eternal spirit soul, distinct from matter or the body. The Bhagavad gita  ( 2.20 ) explains : “ For the soul there is neither birth  nor death  at anytime. He has not come into being, does not come into being, and will not come into being. He is unborn,   eternal , ever-existing and primeval. He is not slain when the body is slain.”

-Reproduction from a course in Vedic Knowledge which appeared in the book “ Back to Godhead “ Magazine, by Pavanesvara dasa  / as appeared in the book “ Vedic Philosohy for Students “  Chapter 3 – by Siddhi-lalasa Dasi

What is the Conclusion of the Bhagavad Gita?

All the books start with a Preface Page and closes with a Conclusion. These address the reader on  how the  story or subject goes   by means of a brief note  in preface and the conclusion gives the reader  to review the understanding as told by the author.

We read novels and spiritual books. Many times we could not come to a clear conclusion with  spiritual books  and  we will not try also to find . The translators would have given conclusions , but vary from person to person,  as it will have the effect of the personal experience of the authors. But  “Bhavad Gita As It Is “  is unchanged in the script and the explanations given by Srila Prabhupada or his disciples .

People would have read Bhavad Gita  and   the common question to a common man is “ Where does He ( Lord Krishna ) intend to lead us to ? I too have to same query ? But I  got a convincing answer from Sri Radhanath Swami Maharaj, through his  ‘RNS  on live’  website dtd. Feb 17, 2011 . I wish to share the extract here for all the persons who seek  an answer for the  same question.

What is the Conclusion of the Bhagavad Gita? Radhanath Swami Answers…

Question to Radhanath Swami: Lord Krishna speaks of different paths of yoga in the Bhagavad Gita. It is confusing… where does he intend to lead us to?
Radhanath Swami: Lord Krishna has given different types of yoga systems to bring us all to the stage of perfection.
In the Bhagavad Gita, we find the process of karma yoga. Krishna explains the perfection of karma yoga in the ninth chapter of the Bhagavad  Gita: “Whatever you do, whatever you eat, whatever you offer or give away, and whatever austerities you perform—do that, O son of Kunté, as an offering to Me.” (Bhagavad Gita 9.27)
 So the ultimate conclusion of karma yoga is do everything as an offering to the Lord.
The Jnana Yoga system entailed in the Bhagavad Gita is meant to give one the knowledge of who Krishna is, what the soul is, how the pure soul comes under the influence of material nature, how the time element functions driving one towards death at every moment, how the laws of karma are acting, etc. The perfection of achieving this jnana is explained in the seventh chapter of the Bhagavad Gita: “After many births and deaths, he who is actually in knowledge surrenders unto Me, knowing Me to be the cause of all causes and all that is. Such a great soul is very rare.” (Bhagavad-Gita 7.19)
Thus, jnana yoga in its perfectional state brings one to surrender unto Krishna.
The Bhagavad Gita concludes with Lord Krishna’s demand that we surrender unto Him: “Abandon all varieties of religion and just surrender unto Me. I shall deliver you from all sinful reactions. Do not fear.”    (Bhagavad Gita 18.66)
The Bhagavad Gita teaches the harmony of all the other yoga systems with the ultimate goal – surrender to Krishna, known as Bhakti Yoga. Anyone who understands the Bhagavad Gita as it is can see how the other processes of yoga are simply parts and parcels of Bhakti and how they lead the practitioner towards the same. Those who do not understand the Bhagavad Gita as it is, however, have a less developed comprehension of its philosophy. They separate the different yoga systems thinking that each is in of itself sufficient to lead one to the same goal. Therefore their philosophy is yato mata tato patha – one can choose the path of his choice. However, Krishna presents the different yoga systems to convince Arjuna to surrender unto Him, remember Him, and do everything for Him.
In the tenth chapter of the Bhagavad Gita, Lord Krishna explains: “I am the source of all spiritual and material worlds. Everything emanates from Me. The wise who perfectly know this engage in My devotional service and worship Me with all their hearts.” (Bhagavad Gita 10.8)
This principle is the continuous thread of the Gita and all other teachings are like pearls strung around this thread. It is just like arithmetic and calculus are different divisions of the same subject – mathematics. A young child studying in primary school may see arithmetic and calculus as separate but a Ph.D. in the subject will see that they are intertwined and developed for the single purpose of acquiring a degree in mathematics. Basic arithmetic is meant to bring the student to higher and higher aspects of mathematics but they are all parts of the same system. Similarly, those who have a clear understanding of the Bhagavad Gita can see the whole picture of the Gita, whereas a person whose understanding is less developed will see each part isolated from the rest.  Every syllable, word and verse of the Bhagavad Gita was meant to bring Arjuna, and is meant to bring one and all, to the point of complete love, devotion and surrender. This understanding can only be had by a person who understands the Bhagavad Gita as it is.  Who is he/she? Lord Krishna explains the qualification to comprehend the essence of the Bhagavad Gita: “That very ancient science of the relationship with the Supreme is today told by Me to you because you are My devotee as well as My friend and can therefore understand the transcendental mystery of this science.” (Bhagavad Gita 4.3)
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