Start Conversations and make Friendship !
How to start a conversation is a very interesting subject in today’s fast world. The onset of e-mail and SMS technology changed people only to text messages or send by e-mails and the one-to-one conversations. Let it be a sharing of happy moments or an urgent information, majority of people adopt this computer age gadgets only.
It is essential to learn the art , practice, experience , enjoy friendship , apply techniques to attract people , identify yourself among a crowd , become a leader . For this you have to turn on your conversational channel and tune in to people you meet.
Conversation is our main way of expressing our ideas, opinions, goals, and feelings to those who come into contact with .It is also the primary means of building and establishing friendships and relationships.
Many people feel uncomfortable in a room full of strangers and are anxious about approaching others. Most people want to share their experiences with others but turning on the conversation may be a starting trouble. Once we overcome it our horizons and opportunities can expand, while our relationships may deepen and become more meaningful.
We must have a desire to change , reach out to others, and try some new ideas. Let’s begin and …. Start a conversation!
Body Language
Body language often communicates our feelings and attitudes before we speak, and our level of receptivity to others.
Closed body language sends out the message: “ Stay away! I’d rather be left alone!
Research has shown that over 70 percent of communication is non verbal. Each letter in S-O-F-T-E-N represents a specific nonverbal technique for encouraging others to talk with you.
S – Smile; O – Open posture; F – Forward lean; T – Touch; E – Eye contact; N – Nod
These ‘softners’ make your body language more friendly and receptive. So smile!
Starting Conversations naturally
To ‘ break the ice’ take a risk – be the first person to say ‘Hello’ . Ask easy to answer ritual questions. Actively listen for free information. Seek follow up information. Reveal free information of your own. Show interest and Curiosity. Be enthusiastic ! Be friendly and ‘ upbeat’ and be yourself.
Keeping the Conversation Going
Sustaining conversations is easy if you know the key factors involved. Here are some :
1. Focus on the situation you are in.
2. Find out about the “big” events in the other person’s life.
3. Balance the tw-way information exchange.
4. Discuss topics that are important to you.
5. Change topics using free information.
6. Seek out common interests and experiences.
Getting Your Ideas across
Several factors can keep the speaker from getting his ideas across to others. Such people have a low receptivity level and aren’t likely to accept your ideas.
Begin to encourage cooperation and receptivity by telling others the purpose of your conversation. These types of self- disclosures create a sense of trust in you and will allow your partner to feel more comfortable in responding. Tell your motivation for asking the question, and your partner will be more inclined to answer without being overly cautious. Another factior is developing respect for others. Don’t ignore people’s feelings.
Closing Conversations Naturally
All conversations must come to an end sometime. There is a right time to bring the conversations to a successful close. Be aware of the dynamics involved in ending conversations in a positive manner.
It is best to end a conversation after both the parties have expressed to one another, and when the time seems right for you to go your separate ways. You express your interest in your partner while leaving an open invitation to meet again. Remember to use your partner’s name when you say good-bye, and use open, friendly body language ( eye contact, smiling, and a warm handshake ).
Improving your conversations
Silence – It’s Not What You Say, It’s What You Don’t Say
Use Encouragement and Positive Feedback- Don’t Criticize
Playful Teasing is a Healthy Way to Convey Feelings and Attitudes
Playful Teasing Is a Healthy Way to Convey Feelings and Attitudes
Strategy for Dealing with Put-Downs
Don’t Lose Your Sense of Humour
Put-Downs Cab Be a Test of Your Self-Confidence
Ask Open-Ended Questions to Find Out the Real Reason for Put-Downs
The Other Person May Have Some Very Valid Things to Point Out to You
The Best Way to Get What You Want Is Ask for It Directly
People Can’t Read Your Mind
“ What Do You Want From Me?’
Overcoming Conversational Hang-ups
Many conversational problems are the result of misconceptions or negative attitudes towards those you wish to communicate with and/or yourself. Some ways fof rationalizing them are :
Hang-up No.1 – “ I am Right – You’re Wrong!”
Don’t assume that everything you know or believe is absolutely true. Don’t force your views upon others. Show a desire to understand your partner’s point of view. Thus, you will encourage him to open up to you more and be more receptive to your ideas. When you present opinions without condemning the other person’s statement, he will be more likely to listen what you are about to say, rather than putting up a defensive barrier to your ideas.
Hang-up No.2 – “ I can Read a Person like a Book !”
People who make this statement often form hasty conclusions from a person’s individual comments or actions. People who judge others quickly are usually very critical of themselves and as overcritical of others. Can you tell a book by its cover ? So reserve judgment about people until you have enough data to form a more accurate conclusion about what they are really like. Give the people an opportunity to get to know you in a real and meaningful way.
Hang-up No.3 – “ It Doesn’t Matter to Me”
People who say “ It doesn’t matter to me “ are copping out and not taking responsibility in the decision-making process that accompanies most activities. It’s good to be flexible- but not indifferent.Express your preferences. Assertiveness pays off. Get what you want by asking for it. Assertiveness is not a justification for selfishness and insensitivity. Offer an alternative and become involved.
Hang-up No.4 – “ Tell Me Something I Don’t Know “
Being a “ know-it-all “ can effectively kill conversations because you convey the message that the other person’s ideas and feelings don’t matter to you. This cuts off the two-way exchange of information, ideas and feelings, and only serves to elevate you to superior position at other’s expense.
Hang-up No.5 – “I’m Boring “Those who adopt this attitude are afraid of boring others or they don’t want to make the effort required to carry on a conversation. Don’t put yourself down. This negative attitude suggests low self-esteem. Focus on the positive events in your life and talk and talk about them.
Making Friends
Making friends is a goal most of us have because we value companionship. Good friendship can begin at any stage in your life. Friends can be allies, supporters, or sympathizers who give encouragement, feedback, honest opinions, and usually a lot of advice. A friend is someone you can trust with sensitive information and know that he won’t hold it against you: someone who shares common interests and experiences with you and adds to your sense of fulfillment.
Making friends is not always easy. It takes time, effort, commitment, give-and-take, and a lot of tolerance for the many human frailties we all have. Take an opportunity to introduce yourself and the sooner you do easier it is.
Sometimes friendships are like plants – they can grow slowly and steadily in time.
To conclude: All you have to do is look somebody in the eye, smile, and start a conversation !
Courtesy : How To Start a Conversation and Make Friends by Don Gabor
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