Parenting

Parenting

Before starting my blog on the above subject , I just brushed through Google to find what is the dictionary meaning of “parenting” and I found this :

The rearing of a child or children, especially the care, love, and guidance given by a parent.

Yesterday night , when I was listening to soft music in my den, alone and awake, thinking of my two children , who lives on the other side of the globe with their marital company, on how they grew in our joint family in Mylapore . I do not know what is parenting when my daughter was born and I was just 26.

Though I read lot of books  it never came to my mind to select a book on the subject of this blog. My parents were there at that time and we , five children, were brought up by them and all of us had the basic  graduation in education  and I got settled with an employment wherein my dad was also working.

I recalled those good old days and questioned myself that whether I have fulfilled my obligation of rearing my own child , especially the care, love, and guidance!

To the best of my knowledge I gave it to my daughter, being the first child and also to my son , who was born five years later.

I still remember the time I spent with them during they grew from childhood to adolescent . I was fortunate enough with an 8 to 5 job at the time of their need for me .

 The first five years for my daughter must be a wonderful time as me and my wife could spend enough time with her from her crawling stage to walking and till she reached the age of five. After my son’s birth she felt that the attention on her is little less and started to sleep with her grandparents.

But I never deprived her my time and we started moving as a family of four to all places in my bike  in and around Mylapore and Madras .Evening session of  playing tennis in our terrace with my son is  a routine .There was a super market by name , VITAN in Luz corner and we all four visits there most often for buying GIJO toys and other play things and greeting cards.

I used to take them to all temples and especially during festival season. We never miss the Christmas and New Year eve and they enjoy the festive mood in San Thom Basilica , year after year. A ride in my ‘Chetak’ scooter,  for my two kids,  must be an everlasting happy memory during the New Year eve trip to Mount Road. We used to take them only to English movies which can be enjoyed by children and visited all libraries and yearly book fair. A huge collection of books is in my personal library and few of the oldest books were  bought when my daughter started to speak .Both of them are good artists from childhood.

To my capacity I used to take them out to good  hotels in Mylapore , Shanthi Vihar &  Udupi Sukha Nivas. Beyond this I create an atmosphere of a dim light dinner on their bed in our home, with music around! They love only western music as I love it and play to them.

Pocket video games they had and also video game with a hand gear to play on the television screen. About the choice of dress they wore I need to mention here as my wife is an expert in buying the right dress for them and they love her choice.

The encouragement in fine arts made them to won prizes in the annual sports function for their fine dance for movie songs on the stage of madras Medical College grounds in January 1990. My daughter was 10 and my son was 5 at that time and the video is posted in my youtube channel for the happiness sharing of mine. They were shy to see their innocence performance among a big audience of my company, Richardson & Cruddas.

Coming to education, they were given a good education ina reputed school in our area and studied in English medium only. During their school life, they participate in all competitions and I support them in making science gadgets, a Sputnik , which won a prize in my son’s school annual science fair.  My daughter was explaining on ‘virtual reality’ through computer in her school, when I was not a computer literate. My wife put my daughter in Bharahta Natyam class and she went up to Salangai pooja. My son was good at art and won every year ,from standard one to class 12 ,prizes for  his art contribution.  The encouragement given to them by me and wife took them to shine in extracurricular activities.

Joint family living helped me and my wife a lot to give my children , the attention which they need, love and enjoy. I have express my gratitude to my uncle, father’s elder brother, who took them in their childhood days to Beach, Park , Museum , exhibitions and theatres , number of times and they call him fondly “ Dhoppa”. He is no more now and also my parents.

From the bookish point of view , parenting ends when they become adolescent , but guidance continued by us till they choose an academic curriculum. Of course choosing their partner was not with us but both of them have chosen a right partner to our fullest satisfaction .

My daughter wrote about me that we were the cause for her spiritual inclination and my son wrote that we gave him a good education and full freedom.

They are in a position to guide us ( parenting ) at our old age on how to go about caring our health and wealth ! They are the wealth for us and we love them very much and pray for their families good health more than us.

Coming back to parenting , my question to myself remains – whether did I gave my children, daughter and son  , the right parenting ?  I leave the answers to my children and of course my wife too  can answer my question !

Why do people talk behind your back ?

Why do people  talk  behind your back  ?

How to deal with people talking about you behind your back?

How you would know ?

How do you respond to people who talk behind your back ?

There are many more questions comes to our mind on “ talking behind “

To the best of my knowledge I do not talk behind others, but see many others talk behind people for the reasons not known to me. I made a search first inwardly and I could not get an answer except that it is some people’s attitude , behavior , habit , nature and so on like generalized remarks.

It happens to us mostly  from  close relatives and friends !

May be the psychological experts give an answer without prejudice . I wish to explore on this topic and share so that the readers may correct themselves  and I too, if the weakness is within me unknowingly!

 Courtesy : An article from 2know myself ( website ) by Mr. M.Farouk Radwan, MSc , gives a reasonable explanation on the title .

“ Why do people talk about others?

Why do people talk about others in their absence?
Why would a person talk about his close friend in a bad way as soon as he leaves?
Why would a person talk about the bad way his friend is treating him in front of everyone but his friend?

After studying psychology for years I came to realize that 10 different people could be doing the same exact behavior for 10 different reasons.

We can never make conclusions about someone's intentions before we get to know more about his personality for it will be the reference we are going to use to interpret his behavior.

In this article i will tell you about the reasons people talk about others and tell you how to understand those people even more.

Reasons people talk about others

Don't make the mistake of judging a person without knowing more about his beliefs, values and past experiences. If you know the person well then most likely you will be able to pick up the correct reason that is motivating him to talk about others from the ones below:

• 1) Jealousy: People talk about others when they feel jealous. A person who feels jealous will try to put the one he is talking about down so that he feels good about himself. If the person has really bad intentions then he will talk about the person he is jealous of in a bad way that makes others hate him
• 2) Inferiority: People talk about others in a bad way in their absence in order to appear better than them. If a person feels inferior to someone then he might talk about him in a bad way in order to appear superior to him in front of others
• 3) Lack of courage: Some people hate to confront others directly and as a result they prefer to talk about them in their absence after they do something bad to them rather then face them directly. If a person talks in a bad way about someone all the time because he did something bad to him then know that he lacks courage.
• 4) He Likes the person he is talking about: One of the signs that shows that a person is interested in someone else is talking about him a lot. In such a case the talk will be positive or at least his mood will be positive while talking about that person even if he was saying negative things.
• 5) Weakness: People talk about others in a bad way in their absence when they believe that they can't get their rights back from them. If a large muscular person punched you in the face then you kept talking about him in his absence then know that you are doing so because you believe that you can't knock him down and that you are trying to release this energy of revenge by talking about him

Talking about others is a sign of weakness

As you can see in most cases people who talk about others are the ones who are in the weak position.

Gossiping or talking about others in a bad way in their absence is most cases a sign that shows that you have a certain personal flaw.

If you found yourself gossiping then you must find out the reason behind it and then work on fixing the personal flaw that resulted in this bad habit.

On the other hand if you knew that someone was talking about you in your absence then just send him this article. “

If still people continues to do so even after knowing the reasons , we have to avoid them permanently !

Follow Gandhian Policy and Principles ...

Gandhi Jayanthi Celebrations / International Day of Non-violence 2013

Gandhi Jayanthi Celebrations  / International Day of Non-violence 2013

We all celebrate Gandhi Jayanthi  in India. But how significantly we do it is important. It is a declared holiday for all institutions , establishments and government offices. Taking this as a chance to increase the TRP , all the TV channels compete each other by telecasting popular movies , music programs , dance and of course few  channel with some debate with stalwart peoples in that line. So nobody goes out of their house and stick to their  sofa or chair , totally relaxed with TV remote in their hands, which often changes hands for a quick viewing of scrolling other channels programs. Someone who likes non-vegetarian foods, it is a chance to sit and have  their favorite NV food at home, as throughout the week they would have had  pure vegetarian food at office. This is the way many celebrate Gandhi jayanthi.

But many non-government organizations , philanthropists , social organizations celebrate Gandhi jayanthi by conducting, prayer meetings , symposium , workshop on Gandhian values  and so on. Leave alone the politicians who garland Gandhi statue by visiting nearest statue with a group of their party men  and flew off in minutes! We respect them as we only elected them.

I found a rare specimen , a personality , who devoted his entire life from his college days  to till date and continues with full  enthusiasm  for the past 40 plus years. He is none other than Dr.S.Kulandaisamy. He is the Secretary of Gandhi Peace Foundation  Madras  and Dr.C.Shenbagavalli , Joint Secretary  jointly spreading Mahatma’s messages , principles and philosophy , in their own way , so that it reaches the younger generation , whom are going to be our future leaders.  It is difficult to bring it in a nut shell , all the services of Dr.Kulandaisamy because it is a forty years true story. Unless we meet him in person and talk with him, then only we can understand fully.

I am so lucky to meet Dr.SK few years back  on a Gandhi  jayanthi day and I could recollect my old time association with him , about 40 years back . We were  student participants under a same banner – Madras Students Gandhi forum . Our mentor was Mr.V.R.Radhakrishnan,  a freedom fighter, a close associate of Mr.Jayaprakash Narayan, Tamra Patra awardee.  I wrote about him in my earlier blogs but wish to write again because of the respect I still give to that great person.

My last year’s blog on Gandhi jayanthi celebrations of Gandhi Peace Foundation can be viewed by clicking the link below : http://chander-memorylane.blogspot.in/2012/10/a-special-day-at-gandhi-peace.html

This year the celebration was in a different way by inviting  people who still practice the Gandhian values in their life and  they shared their experiences to the audience , mostly young college students from Stella Maris , Bharati Womens ,  SIET college  for women and SRM Vivekananda , Christian  colleges for men.

Prayer by Bharathi Women’s College atarted by 10 am followed by Dr.KS’s  welcome address.

The following persons spoke on “Gandhian Values “ in different perspective.

Dr.K.Ramasamy, Central Institute of Classical Tamil, Chennai,  gave the presidential address .



Dr.K.Ramasamy



Dr.P.Krishnamurthi



Dr.A.Thirunavukkarasu



Sri.R.Poornachandran



Dr.M.Sriramachandran





Mr.K.Nageshwara rao



Book release by Dr.S.Muthukumaran

Dr.S.Kulandaisamy -Welcome address




A senior citizen,by profession a doctor sharing her early days in village service



Dr.C.Shenbagavalli



“Gandhian Values for Man –making Education” was addressed by Dr.P.Krishnamurthi, Asst. Proffesor, Vinayag College of Education, Chennai.Mr.M.Sriramachandran talked on Gandhian Values for Religious Harmony.

Dr.A.Thirunavukkarasu , Principal , Cholan College of Education, strongly put his point on “ Gandhian values for Sarvodaya – Economics”.

“Gandhian Values for Decentralized governance “ topic was well spoken by Sri.R.Poornachandran, Principal, V.G.N. Matriculation Hr.Sec.School, Arakonam.

Ms.V.Ragamai , of Dot Net Developer, Rajahmundry  stressed the “Gandhian Values  for Youth Empowerment”

Simple concluding remarks was given by Mr.K.Nageshwara  Rao, Dean ( Academics ) , Narayana E-Tecno Schools Bangalore.

Book release of a tiny book titled “ Sikkal Theervu Kalai “  written by Dr.KS was  gracefully released by Dr.S.Muthukumaran, Former  Vice Chancellor, Bhartidasan university and received by an NSS volunteer of Stella Maris College, Ms.Shanthini. She was an award winner for her best role in NSS activities last year  in her college.

Ms.Padma Venkataraman (daughter of our past President Mr.R.Venkatarama), Director, Leprosy Rehabilitation Project released a book “ Enakkul Amaidhiyai theduven “   being a part of the Bharathi Women’s College students intern activities at Gandhi Peace Foundation.

A senior citizen , who accompanied her daughter , volunteered to  attend this function  and shred her experience  during her service as a doctor in villages .

Dr.C.Shenbagavalli shared a few words to close the ceremony by a vote of thanks.

The three hour program went off well on time with Gandhian punctuality  and a  lunch was served to all the  august gathering.

I am eagerly waiting for the next year Gandhi jayanthi, so that I too will plan and participate with Dr.KS to celebrate in a big way, with more participants, more program to create the awareness on Gandhian values among  our family , friends  and public.

In the mean time I would like to inform that GPF is now looking for creating a Corpus Fund for their activity and anyone who is ready to contribute for this noble cause may please contact me for directions to GPF.

Before closing I wish to share one more news on October 2^nd  and it’s importance. Today is the birthday of our late Prime Minister , Sri Lal Bahadur Shastri and memorial day  of Late Chief Minister of Tamilnadu , Sri K.Kamaraj.

The International Day of Non-Violence is observed on 2 October, the birthday of Mahatma Gandhi.
On 15 June 2007 the United Nations General Assembly voted to establish 2 October as the International Day of Non-Violence. The resolution by the General Assembly asks all members of the UN system to commemorate 2 October in "an appropriate manner and disseminate the message of non-violence, including through education and public awareness."

“Non-Violence,” a sculpture by Karl Fredrik Reutersward, sits permanently outside UN Headquarters in New York.

2 October 2013 – Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon today called on people all over the world to have the courage to turn their backs on violence and stand up for peace and justice, marking the International Day of Non-Violence.

“I call on global citizens everywhere to be inspired by the courage of people like Mahatma Gandhi. Turn your back to division and hatred; stand up for what is right and just. Work with your fellow women and men for a world of lasting justice, peace and prosperity for all,” Mr. Ban said in his message for the Day.

Let us not be cruel to animals. Killing animals is also a violence. Let us practice vegetarianism  as God has created  animals to live in nature and not as a food for us. Be truthful to all, live a simple life, let us not be violent  on anyone.  Respect our own and other religions.  At last let us “ Be The Change What We Wish To See in Others “

WHAT IS MISSING IN OUR MODERN SOCIETY ?

What is missing in our modern society ?

His Divine Grace Srila Prabhupada, the Founder-Acharya of ISKCON, would often given example , which illustrates the condition of modern society today. If we take a pack of dogs and put them in a locked room, what  do you expect would happen? Would they be smiling at one another? Would they develop loving relationships amongst themselves? One would hardly expect that! In fact they would be barking, screaming, biting, quarreling and killing one another. A very similar situation can be observed in today’s society. If , ‘Knowledge is power’ what are we doing with all our knowledge if we are not being able to control the world situation today?

One need not blame the management of the government, politicians, bureaucrats, police officials, judiciary etc. or for the problems that the world faces today. We are INTERNALLY DISTURBED, so we create disturbances for others. We have to evaluate the nature of our mind to understand the ART OF MIND CONTROL.

When we forget our prime duty of serving God, we are forced to serve the misgivings in our heart such as lust, anger and so on . Presently, we have forgotten our relationship with God and hence the process of  “yoga”  is described in  the Vedic texts in order to revive our loving relation with the Supreme Lord. There are various yogic processes for attaining the Supreme, but in this day and age of Kali Yuga, which is described as the age of quarrel and hypocrisy, there is only one way i.e. the chanting of the Holy names of the Lord. This is confirmed in the Brhad-Naradiya Purana:

Harer nama harer nama harer namaiva kevalam

Kalau nastyva nastyva gatir anyatha

“In this age of Kali Yuga the only process of self-realization is chanting the names of Lord Hari, chanting the names of  Lord Hari, chanting the names of Lord Hari. There is no other way, no other way, no other way.” 

CHANT HARE KRISHNA AND BE HAPPY.

Courtesy : Art of Mind Control – compiled by Sri Radheshyam Das

 

Start Conversations and make Friendship !

Start Conversations and make Friendship !

How to start a   conversation is a very interesting subject in today’s   fast world.  The   onset   of  e-mail and SMS  technology  changed people  only to text messages or send by e-mails and the one-to-one conversations. Let it be a sharing of   happy   moments  or  an  urgent information, majority of people adopt this computer age gadgets only.

   It is essential  to  learn the art , practice, experience , enjoy friendship , apply techniques to attract people , identify yourself among a crowd , become a leader . For this you have to turn on your conversational channel and tune in to people you meet.

 

Conversation is our main way of expressing our ideas, opinions, goals, and feelings to those who come into contact with .It is also the primary means of building and establishing friendships and relationships.

Many people feel uncomfortable in a room full of strangers and are anxious about approaching others. Most people want to share their experiences with others but  turning on the conversation may be a starting trouble. Once we overcome it our horizons and opportunities can expand, while our relationships may deepen and become more meaningful.

We must have a desire to change , reach out to others, and try some new ideas. Let’s begin and …. Start a conversation!

Body Language

Body language often communicates our feelings and attitudes before we speak, and our level of receptivity to others.

Closed body language sends out the message: “ Stay away! I’d rather be left alone!

 S-O-F-T-E-N

Research  has shown that over 70 percent of communication is non verbal. Each letter in S-O-F-T-E-N represents a specific nonverbal technique for encouraging others to talk with you.

S – Smile; O – Open posture; F – Forward lean; T – Touch; E – Eye contact; N – Nod

These ‘softners’ make your body language more friendly and receptive. So smile!

Starting Conversations naturally

To ‘ break the ice’ take a risk – be the first person to say ‘Hello’ . Ask easy to answer ritual questions. Actively listen for free information. Seek follow up information. Reveal free information of your own. Show  interest and Curiosity. Be enthusiastic ! Be friendly and ‘ upbeat’ and be yourself.

Keeping the Conversation Going

Sustaining conversations is easy if you know the key factors involved. Here are some :

1.      Focus on the situation you are in.

2.      Find out about the “big” events in the other person’s life.

3.      Balance the tw-way information exchange.

4.      Discuss topics that are important to you.

5.      Change topics using free information.

6.      Seek out common interests and experiences.

Getting Your Ideas across

Several factors can keep the speaker from getting his ideas across to others. Such people have a low receptivity level and aren’t likely to accept your ideas.

Begin to encourage cooperation and receptivity by telling others the purpose of your conversation. These types of self- disclosures create a sense of trust in you  and will allow your partner to feel more comfortable in responding. Tell your motivation for asking  the question, and your partner will be more  inclined to answer without being overly cautious. Another factior is developing respect for others. Don’t ignore people’s feelings.

Closing Conversations Naturally

All conversations must come to an end sometime. There is a right time to bring the  conversations to a successful close. Be aware of  the dynamics involved in ending conversations in a positive manner.

It is best to end a conversation after both the parties have expressed to one another, and when the time seems right for you to go  your separate ways. You express your interest in your partner while leaving an open invitation to meet again. Remember to use your partner’s name when you say good-bye, and use open, friendly body language ( eye  contact, smiling, and a warm handshake ).

Improving your conversations

Silence – It’s Not What You Say, It’s What You Don’t Say

Use Encouragement and Positive Feedback- Don’t Criticize

Playful Teasing is a Healthy Way to Convey Feelings and Attitudes

Playful  Teasing  Is a Healthy Way to Convey Feelings and Attitudes

Strategy for Dealing with Put-Downs

Don’t Lose Your Sense of Humour

Put-Downs Cab Be a Test of Your Self-Confidence

Ask Open-Ended Questions to Find Out the Real Reason for Put-Downs

The Other Person May  Have Some Very Valid Things to Point Out to You

The Best Way to Get What You Want Is Ask for It Directly

People Can’t Read Your Mind

“ What Do You Want From Me?’

Overcoming Conversational Hang-ups

Many conversational problems are the result of misconceptions or negative attitudes towards those you wish to communicate with and/or yourself. Some ways fof rationalizing them are :

Hang-up No.1 – “ I am Right – You’re Wrong!”

Don’t assume that everything you know or believe is absolutely true. Don’t force your views upon others. Show a desire to understand your partner’s point of view. Thus, you will encourage him to open up to you more and be more receptive to your ideas. When you present opinions without condemning the other person’s statement, he will be more likely to listen what you are about to say, rather than putting up a defensive barrier to your ideas.

Hang-up No.2 – “ I can Read a Person like a Book !”

People who make this statement often form  hasty conclusions from a person’s individual comments or actions. People who judge others quickly are usually very critical of themselves and as overcritical of others. Can you tell a book  by  its  cover ?  So reserve  judgment about people until you have enough data to form a more accurate conclusion about  what they are really like. Give  the people an opportunity to get to know you in a real and meaningful way.

Hang-up No.3 – “ It Doesn’t Matter to Me”

People who say “ It doesn’t matter to me “ are copping out and not taking responsibility in the decision-making process that accompanies most activities. It’s good to be flexible- but not indifferent.Express your preferences.  Assertiveness pays off. Get what you want by asking for it. Assertiveness is not a justification for selfishness and insensitivity. Offer an alternative and become involved.

Hang-up No.4 – “ Tell Me Something I Don’t Know “

Being a “ know-it-all “ can effectively kill conversations because you convey  the message that the other person’s ideas and feelings don’t matter to you. This cuts off the two-way exchange of information, ideas and feelings, and only serves to elevate you to superior position at other’s expense.

Hang-up No.5 – “I’m Boring “Those who adopt this attitude are afraid of boring others or they don’t want to make the effort required to carry on a conversation. Don’t put yourself down. This negative attitude suggests low self-esteem.  Focus on the positive events in your life and talk and talk about them.

Making Friends

Making friends is a goal  most of us have because we value companionship. Good friendship can begin at any stage in your life.  Friends can be allies, supporters, or sympathizers who give encouragement, feedback, honest opinions, and usually a lot of advice. A friend is someone you can trust with sensitive information and know that he won’t hold it against you: someone who shares common interests and experiences with you and adds to your sense of fulfillment.

Making friends is not always easy.  It takes time, effort, commitment, give-and-take, and a lot of tolerance for the many human frailties we all   have. Take an opportunity to introduce yourself and the sooner   you do   easier it is.

Sometimes   friendships   are like  plants – they can  grow slowly and steadily in time.

To conclude: All you have to do is look somebody in the eye, smile, and start a  conversation !

Courtesy :  How To Start a Conversation and Make Friends  by Don Gabor